Tobi B

The misterious gun

From his pocket he took a small old gun. It was the same gun that a very dangerous murderer had been using to rob all the clothes shops in town. He thought that maybe someone had put it there so they thought he was the robber. Well but there was another thing why all this strange clothes things not that where not his properties.(WHAT? YOU NEED TO COMPLETE YOUR IDEA!). Beside houses why where all in riuns and no peolple where living there. (RE WRITE- NOT TOO CLEAR) And why was his house  so perfect. Well he needed to call someone and that was what he did . He called Inspector Holmes. Some hours later Holmes called at the door, but as soon as he saw John he cought his car and drove far . Why was it what was it so strange ?. Even his family was afraid of him. Maybe , well thinking of the gun, he was a dangerous murderer. But how if he didn't remember robbing . He thought for days and days , and he came to an answer. He called his mother that with a whispering voice said" yes mum only two minutes , then you can hang up the phone".Am I  a night walker. "Yes you are sometimes", said her mum  and she cut the line. He called the police. "I need 30 police officers "he said. (RECONSIDER- ALL IDEAS TOGETHER WITHOUT ANY LINKING) All the night. "Why ,asked the police man ", John said "a very dangerous criminal is going to attack this night again." Your direction please, said the police officer 465 kellygan street. So that night when John woke up he was arested and taked to the jury. At last the he was left free because it was not his fault. (RE WRITE. INCLUDE PUNCTUATION FOR SPEECH)

TOBY: THE GENERAL IDEA IS GOOD BUT YOUR IDEAS NEED TO BE EXPANDED AND CLEARER- AVOID RUSHING THROUGH YOUR WORK! MISS ALE - APRIL 17TH

Tobi, You have only corrected the spelling mistakes, but you need to focus on clarifying yur ideas!!! Put them in order! Thank you- Miss Ale - May 1st

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